I feel like abortions should bother me more
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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