things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
