you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize