I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
