i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
