i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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