There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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