Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize