I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
