I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
