New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
