i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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