On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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