remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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