I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
