R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
