I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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