it's like iHOP with fire
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize