I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
