DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
