i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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