Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
