Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
