My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
