who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
