I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
