i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
