this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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