from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
