I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize