I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
