some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
