She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
