i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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