I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize