I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
