He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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