im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
