He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
