do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
