Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk is a universal language darling
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
