can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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