If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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