you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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