I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
