he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
