Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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