You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
