So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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