If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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