Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
