I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize