Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
