i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
