My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
