Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
