It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize