I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Welp...herpes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
