just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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