if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
