I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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