Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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