Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
