haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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