There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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