woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize