my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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